literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
