I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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