It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
