Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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