Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
