Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
