Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
