I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
