you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
