I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
