you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
