You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
