I cannot find my penis.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
