So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
