I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You took a bar mat shot.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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