is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
