Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
