I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
