did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
