Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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