hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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