I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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