Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize