where am i from again
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
