I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
