I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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