You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
