im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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