Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
