EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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