So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize