foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
