If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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