I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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