Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize