my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize