just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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