Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I want to be your penis for a week.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
