I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
