i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
