Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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