we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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