why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
