Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
wanna go halves on a baby?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
