The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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