It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
