lets start a swedish sibling band together
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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