put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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