My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
