Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
