Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i out mim tonsoeep
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
