if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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