I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
