Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have aggressive nipples.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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