plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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