and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
