Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
