What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
