Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
