Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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