No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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