I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
