Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
