I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
