Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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