I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize