I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
