boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
