I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
