my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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