mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
