My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
