You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
