i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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