he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
