he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
