I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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