Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
