If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The power of my boobs compel you
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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