why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
