Small penises have feelings too.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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