9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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