i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize