1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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