the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
