WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
