If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
