Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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