Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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