So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
