I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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